Stress Leaves Clues – Are You Listening?

Stress leaves clues in our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and in our everyday life. But are you listening?

Straight out the gate – let’s all agree that stress is part of life.

We need to start normalizing stress because it’s a natural response that every single human being goes through at multiple points in life when facing changing and challenging times.

Problem is, we’ve normalized stress to the point where it's over the top, and now it’s deemed a bad thing.

Even though it doesn’t feel great, it doesn’t need such a bad reputation.

Stress is our mental, emotional and physical responses, and can show up as anxiety, pain, tension, overthinking, negative thinking, headaches and gut issues, to name a few.

Let's be honest, you already know how stress shows up for you, don't you?

But like most, we tend to brush it off. We generalize it.

For example, we say things like, “I’m ok just a bit stressed" or "works been stressful”. And that's where we draw the line. We don't dig deeper under the label of stress. We just say we're stressed, and then bury everything else underneath it.

This becomes part of a much bigger problem, because we start to think that stress is ‘at work’ or ‘in my relationship’ implying that stress is ‘outside’ of us.

And that's where the problem truly lies.

This needs our immediate attention so we can start to have a healthier relationship with stress in our everyday lives.

Continue Reading or Watch the video on Youtube here.

Before we dig into the clues stress leaves for us, we must understand…

It's a normal physiological response, which is activated during changing or trying times. Our initial response drops stress hormones into our system. Our adrenaline raises, switching on our sympathetic response. This is our fight, freeze or flight mode or rest and recovery mode.

This chemical reaction boosts our heart rate, our palms may get sweaty and our body and mind goes on high alert. This is a natural function of being human that’s somewhat out of our control.

Depending on our perception of this situation, we will determine whether the stress state is needed or not.

If the mind perceives the challenge or threat has passed, the body will automatically calm everything down. It will lower cortisol, adrenaline and other stress hormones, and you'll go into the rest and recovery mode. This is where everything comes back to normal.

If the challenge or threat is still perceived to be present, instead of everything lowering, our stress response remains on.

The longer the stress response remains on, it becomes very unhealthy for us.

So, how do we decide what’s a challenge or threat that’s worthy of the stress state?

Simply put, we perceive life through our senses. We know there’s a challenge or threat when we see it, feel it, touch it, smell it and hear it.

Yet we’ve become accustomed to perceiving life through our thoughts instead of our immediate senses.

(Which is also a natural human function by the way. We attach our own meanings to what we experience – but that’s a blog for another day!)

It becomes a problem because we often ‘think’ we are in a challenging times when our senses are telling us otherwise.

Our perception of a situation determines if our stress response stays on or not.

But because we brush off ‘stressful work’ or ‘stress in relationships’ without dealing with it appropriately – we end up leaving our stress response on.

It’s like the light switch in your bedroom. It’s a great when it’s dark and you want to be able to see. But not so good when you’re trying to sleep but we leave the light on.

Our stress response is being left on too long and when it’s not needed.

Causing unnecessary suffering.

It blurs our understanding of what the real problem is.

We start thinking stress is outside of us. It’s the job, the boss, the kid, the husband, the wife, the government, the weather… etc.

But the reality is, we’ve simply left the light on when it isn’t needed. We need to flip the switch and turn off our stress response when it isn’t needed.

One of the biggest mistakes, is trying to change the things outside of us before we check what's going on inside of us.

Knowingly or not, we perceive and believe the threat is ongoing. But a more likely scenario in this modern world, is that our reaction is always there, not necessarily the threat.

Naturally we want to fix the problem, so we change the job, the relationship, our financial situation, our hair cut (the list goes on)…

But more often than not, we change those things but the problem is still there. We're still responding the same way even if those things outside of us change.

This leads to stress stacking, which is where we compound all of our stressful experiences, including past negative emotions, beliefs and traumas which add up and get stored for later. (You can learn more about stress stacking here)

This can lead to overthinking everything. We end up comparing who we are today with who we were yesterday or worse; comparing ourselves to others.

We get stuck in this space of stacking things up to the point where our cup is fall. Then we start exploding.

Stress explosions are things like snapping at loved ones or being so overwhelmed that we feel like we've had enough.

Then we want to quit our job or we do something that we wouldn't rationally and resourcefully want to do.

And this is happening, because we're living in an illusion.

Whereas if we can start to get a grip on our own stress response, listen to the clues that stress reveals to us, then we’ll finally be able to find a place of calm and peace.

We’ll operate from a place of resource so that we can actually deal with our external environment, in a healthier and high performing way.

How we show up in the outside, are often clues revealing themselves.

Here’s some clues for example:

Snapping at others, being easily frustrated
Thinking negatively or overthinking
Being anxious and out of control of emotions
Tense & pent up energy causing pain other physical issues
Feeling tired all the time and withdrawing from others
Being affected by other people’s stress
Being overwhelmed and procrastinating
Not being consistent in commitments

All these little red flags are there to tell you, that your stress response is ON.

It’s time to listen to these clues and listen to what they’re telling us.

The clues are showing up FOR us, so we can grow and move past this phase of life and overcome the undesired side-effects stress brings.

Unfortunately, the majority, tend to ignore the clues, or fall into other common stress mistakes. You can read more about those here.

If we ignore the clues – the problem gets even bigger and buried deeper.

We've become so disconnected from ourselves and the root of our stress, it’s easier to blame external things in life and start to accept our stress clues as part of who we are.

We describe ourselves as ‘an over thinker’, or, an ‘anxious person’.

We identify as that person, and we accept it, which leads to even more disconnect.

The disconnection is then worsened through behaviours like:

Scrolling on social media
Going out with friends just to forget
Food, drink and other substances
Entertainment

These distractions help in the short term, but not in the long term.

Here at Wellness Theory we’re all about lasting change, not quick fixes that are fuelled by false hope.

For lasting change, it's essential that we start more connected with who we are.

Remember, if we don't connect with the clues, they start to stack up and create the stress explosions which leave you feeling worse.

Our experience of life improves when we improve our internal experience of ourselves.

Life improves when we start to connect deeper with ourselves.

This is why the famous Mahatma Gandhi quote ‘ be the change you wish to see in the world’ is so powerful.

Because when we explore what’s going on inside of us, we’ll start to see the outside reality become a reflection of it.

Our being is an ecosystem. Everything’s working together to get our attention – these are clues.

These clues make it easy to improve our lives from the inside out.

Here’s Jonathan Stress Clue Story...

He was constantly exercising and eating strictly in the pursuit of changing his physique. He thought if he had a six-pack and looked strong, then he’d improve his confidence, career and relationships. He was hustling and grinding in the gym, looking for a solution to his problems outside of himself. He neglected his social life and relationships. He was feeling tense, tired and frustrated all the time.

Every time he felt bad, he ignored it and kept pushing himself hard. Overtime he started to get feel tension that turned to pain, he felt more discomfort and got angrier. His even colleagues nicknamed him the Hulk!

Interestingly, he didn’t correlate how he was feeling with anything he was doing. He would blame everything around him for how he was feeling. He assumed this was how life was and fought through it.

After a decade the pain had become chronic, it got so bad It would radiate up his spine, into his head and affect his eye-sight. This prevented him for training, sleeping properly and doing basic daily activities that we take for granted.

He’d spent time, energy and money going to ‘experts’ for various physical treatments, from physiotherapy to injections in the spine. Nothing was working.

At this point, he had no choice but to rethink his approach. He’d stacked up so much stress and the physical fixes weren’t getting him anywhere.

Instead of looking outside for the solution, he started to listen to himself. He tuned into his body, heart and mind and - listened.

He began to pay attention to the anger, the frustration, the insecure thoughts being driven by fear of not being good enough. He paid attention to past trauma’s, thought patterns and emotions that he’d been burying.

After only a few weeks the anger and the negativity subsided massively. He was able to connect with the physical sensations he was feeling and the pain began to release in a healthy way.

He realized these clues had been trying to get his attention for so long. But because he wasn’t following the clues – they got louder, stronger and even more painful until he was forced to listen.

As he followed the clues and listened to them, he noticed that everything outside of him wasn’t so bad. His colleagues… his relationships… the world wasn’t as negative and dark as he’d once believed. He recognized that the life he had been experiencing had reflected what was happening inside of himself.

What about you?

What clues are showing up for you?

It might not be the thing outside of us, maybe it's something inside of us.

For example, perhaps your clues are negative thinking, which leads to anxiety, procrastination and overwhelm.

Maybe you’ve been convinced it’s because of your environment and the people you’re surrounded by.

Yet most of the time it’s because of your perception of your environment and the people you’re surrounded by like we described above.

But perhaps you know it’s you. You’re not in the stress illusion. You don’t blame others and take full responsibility for your negative thinking.

It’s important to consider the root of it.

Negative thinking isn’t the root of the problem - it’s the clue.

It could be learned behaviors based on past experience.
It could be an issue inside the gut.
It could even be from old dental metalwork in your fillings that’s sending faulty signals your brain that's creating even more anxiety.

There are so many facets to our stress and how we experience it. When we look at it from one perspective, without paying attention to ALL of the clues we can end up getting stuck.

When we feel stuck, it's very hard to move into action.

It's hard to move to a healthy solution even if it helps us feel more connected to ourselves and the world around us, and it's hard even when we know it'll have us performing at our highest levels.

It feels like a long shot, but a healthy solution is easier that you might think.

We must start listening to those clues today – but how do we do this?

Simply put, we listen.

Follow the LISTEN steps below to your clues.

L – Lean In to the idea that you already have the answers

Lean into the idea that you already have the answers within you. These clues are presenting themselves for you to pay attention and to listen to them. So lean in because what you believe will help you remove any resistance having a healthy relationship with the stress you're experiencing.

I – Identify the clues

What's showing up for you? Is it gut issues, skin issues, overthinking, negative thinking, a heavy heart, feelings of overwhelm, fear, guilt or shame? Something else? Where in the body is this clue revealing itself?

S – Sit with the clues free of judgement

It’s okay that the clue is there. It’s ok that you’re experiencing this clue. It’s not right. It’s not wrong. It just is.

When we're free from judgement, we are just being who we are. And that’s enough. It’s completely natural to experience the whole spectrum of life, the good stuff, and the not so good stuff. Sitting with it in a place of acceptance is absolutely key for you to be able to move to the next phase.

T – Tune in to what the clues are telling you

Tuning in to what the clues are telling you is the secret sauce to transformation. All change comes from learning.

For example, if your clue is feeling fear in your heart and you're sitting with it, free of judgement with no criticism attached to it. Ask yourself: what is this clue telling me? Listen and take in the first thing that comes up. This is your intuition talking to you. It's amazing how when we trust our intuition, we get the answers that we're looking for.

E – Engage with what needs to change

By now you'll have a deep awareness of your clue. Now, it's up to you to engage with what needs to change. In order for us to let go of this stress clue, we need to then ask ourselves: What needs to change what needs to change within me, in order to have a different experience?

N – Network with people who can support you

Once you found out your clues, where they are, and what they're telling you, it's important to get that support you need. You can run these steps on your own and get great results but please know, the bigger the clue the more challenging it can be to deal with. Asking for help and support is always fastest way to create lasting change.

Follow the LISTEN steps.

Often, half the battle is just paying attention.

Listening can help unhealthy stress dissipate all on its own.

1. "I don’t know HOW"

This is such a valid point because not everyone knows how or where to start. (Heck - we didn't have a clue when we started out).

To give you an easy solution we are gifting you with our guided body scan soundtrack. It’ll help you to listen to the clues, and help you to connect with your mind, body and heart.

To get your gift simply email with the words ‘Body Scan’ at info@thewellnesstheory.com and you’ll get access right away.

2. "I genuinely believe the stress is because of our financial situation… or it’s at work… or in the relationship…"

We acknowledge that things in our life can trigger our stress. But the response is within us, and within our control.

The resistance is coming up because of the stress illusion that it’s happening from the outside in. We are falling victim to our circumstances.

Unless we’re in immediate danger, we should only look to change our external world once we've cleansed and dealt with our internal stressors. Because then the next decision will be of service rather than history repeating itself.

3. "I don’t have time"

Life is busy and it can be tricky to prioritize effectively, especially when there are so many distractions but we’re making this super easy for you. The guided body scan soundtrack we're gifting you is only 13 minutes.

If you're still thinking “but I don't have time to do a 13-minute body scan” then it's less about time and more about the lack of willingness to choose what will serve you.

Next time you think you don’t have time, ask yourself: is that actually true? Or am I just not willing to prioritize what’s important for me? Am I being fully responsible for my mental, emotional, physical health? What am I choosing instead? An extra 13 mins in bed or scrolling on socials?

13 minutes a day for body scan is a very achievable starting point. But IF 13 minutes a day really feels like too much, try once a week. It'll already start to take the edge off of what you’re feeling, because you're going to start to listen and pay attention to the clue.

If you follow the LISTEN steps, you can make a difference once a week. For best results we recommend daily as it’ll stop stress stacking up through the weeks and months.

4. "I can’t move into action not matter how hard I try"

So maybe you understand stress is happening within you, you do have time and you know how to do the LISTEN steps but you can't seem to move into action.

This is a sign that there're 3 missing links for you.

One is community. Being surrounded by a network of people who can hold you to a higher standard, is essential for anybody who wants to grow or change their situation from where they are now to where it is they want to be. If you don’t have a community holding you to a high standard and motivating you into action then skip ahead on the LISTEN steps to N – the Network step.

Two is environment. This is missing when you’ve performed the LISTEN steps, you’re aware of the clues, but struggling to engage with what needs to change. Changing your state (your internal physiology) is key here. A fast way to change this is by having a change of scenery to provoke new forms of thought.

Missing link 3 is conditioning. There’s likely deeper issues within your conditioning that need your attention. Meaning past traumas, old thought patterns, any things that you might have modelled in the past that served you then but are not serving you now, are likely contributed to lack of action.

If that's the case for you, it's really important that you reach out to an expert in this field that can help you to navigate what’s holding you back. We’ll happily hop on a call with you and have a conversation to help you get on track, recognize your clues and shed light on where to begin for you.

We need to step out of the stress illusion – thinking stress is outside.

Accept our experience of stress is happening on the inside and is leaving clues for us to pay attention to.

Our job is to have a proactive response by listening to our clues so we can avoid get stress explosions.

It’s time to LISTEN to our stress clues.

The sooner you listen, the easier it is for you to navigate life and perform in the way you want to.

If you feel like you need extra support, or if you resonate with what you’ve read today but unsure how to apply it to yourself. We’re hosting an event in May that’d be perfect for you.

We’ll be focusing on overcoming stress clues.

You’ll discover how to stop:

Snapping at others and being easily frustrated. Instead you’ll flip it so you’re feeling calm and at ease.
Thinking negatively and overthinking and discover how to gain peace of mind.
Being anxious and feeling out of control of emotions and instead feel resourceful and grounded.
Feeling tense with pent up energy causing pain other physical issues. Instead you’ll discover how to feel healthier and stronger with more flow in your body.
Feeling tired all the time and withdrawing from others and start to feel energized and well.
Being affected by other people’s stress and know how to navigate your own resilience and energy.
Being overwhelmed and procrastinating and feel energized to take action.
Not being consistent in commitments and become aligned so you can show up the way you want.

We only host this Kickstarter event once a year for a limited number of people.

So if you’re interested, drop us an email with ‘Kickstarter’ in the subject line and we’ll send you the details, but do it today as spots fill up quick. >>

info@thewellnesstheory.com

Until next time,

Be Well, Mean Well, Make a Difference that Lasts,

Love Charlotte and Jonathan

AUTHOR

Charlotte Stebbing-Mills

Award Winning Stress Relief & Wellbeing Specialist

Co-Founder of The Wellness Theory

With 19+ years experience and her corporate success within the health, fitness and wellness industry, she has worked with hundreds of purpose-led individuals and organizations to move from surviving to thriving.

After burning out, she knows first-hand how it feels to feel like something is missing in life, to the point of hitting rock bottom and struggling to get back up again. Mastering the art of healing and high-performance simultaneously is no small feat.

Charlotte can relate to how overwhelming it can be, but she'll also be the first to tell you that there is a way forward. Her own journey is proof that you can bounce back and create the life you always wanted, for yourself and those you love.